So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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