So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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