So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
