Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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