the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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