Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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