I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
