oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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