I can text with my tongue
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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