i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
