Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
