i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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