omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize