i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
