The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
