Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest

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(631): View more from New York

Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america

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(828): View more from North Carolina

At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.

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(647): View more from Ontario

all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

(905): View more from Ontario

You're fat. Stop making excuses

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face

(1-312): View more from Illinois

he seemed brazillian..

(312): View more from Illinois

fuck.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default

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