I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
