morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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