She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
