Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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