you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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