I'm really into asian looking animals
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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