White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
