even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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