I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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