This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
