So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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