Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
