His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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