i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
