found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize