it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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