wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My hand turned me down
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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