what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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