this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
