I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
