So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
