if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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