Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
