Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
