I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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