I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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