I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
