That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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