Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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