Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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