Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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