I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize