Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
