I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
