You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
