He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
