the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
