My cat gives me a boner
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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