If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
