is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
