New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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