i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
