Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
