I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
