we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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