in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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