this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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