gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
