Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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