Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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