So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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