Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
