We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
