How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
