we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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