I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
