We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
