She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
