My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was born a porn star she said
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
