I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
