Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
