So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
