maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize