i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
