wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
