i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
