I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was CRYING into my vagina
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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